STILL not a typical Mpreg
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: Merlin is having Arthurs baby. Arthur doesnt want the baby. The couple part, until one fatal night, a year on. Who dies? Please R & R as I really want to know how I did in this one... I think I did okay, but I am my own worst critic.


Merlin felt a ghost of a touch sliver up his spine, and he smiled. It wasn't often that he could be here, in a warm bed, safe in his lover's tight embrace. It was here, in Arthur arms, that he felt complete, happy and loved. He didn't know how he would survive Camelot without these special, truly magical moments.

Arthur on the other hand, could feel Merlin's hair tickling his chest. The feeling gave him great comfort, for, in these moments and these moments alone, Arthur felt safe. In these moments he was holding the man he loved, protecting him from harm. It was here that Arthur felt he was truly doing his duty to Camelot, for here he could guarantee the safety of the man in his arms.

--

"Merlin! I'd like this done some time today! I sometimes wonder if your incompetence in the work place grows stronger everyday! " Arthur groaned. He had passed Merlin in the stables yet again, only to find that Merlin was still mucking them out. Merlin nodded but made no attempt to work any faster.

"Sorry sire, it's just, I'm not really feeling all too well," Merlin confessed. Arthur had to admit, Merlin did look ill. He was paler than usual, was gently shaking and a thin layer of sweat had formed on his skin. Arthur was sure that there was the faint smell of vomit in the air.

"Has Gaius told you what you have?" Arthur inquired. Merlin shook his head.

"No sire, he was unsure about my symptoms. He has gone into the forests today in search of a flower that could reveal what I may have," Merlin said. "I will try and g-" but Merlin stopped. In the blink of an eye he had brought his hand up to his mouth as his cheeks bulged out.

"Here!" Arthur cried, holding out a bucket at arm's length. A grateful Merlin took it and missed, as he emptied the contents of his stomach and mouth, Arthur slowly moving backwards towards the stable door. "Don't come near me Merlin! I don't want to get sick, not with the royal ball coming up," he said, holding his hands out defensively as he did so. Merlin, who was shaking much more violently now, put his bucket on the floor and turned to face Arthur with a grin. Not just any grin, his goofy 'light up his whole face' grin. Arthurs grin. It was marred however, by the sweat that now dripped down Merlin's face, the vomit that rested on his chin and the colour of his skin, now as white as snow.

"You could have caught it last night," Merlin joked. Arthur couldn't help but smirk.

"Yes, I suppose I could have," Arthur said. Merlin laughed, but as he did so he swayed ever so slightly.

"Woah..." he whispered. "That was weird," he continued, as he steadied himself using the wall. "I think..." Again he swayed, but this time his body hit the floor. He didn't move.

"Okay Merlin, you can stop joking around now," Arthur said uneasily. Merlin groaned. "Come on Merlin get up!" Merlin opened his eyes and immediately paled even further.

"Mother, is that you?" Merlin whispered, his voice distant. Arthur frowned.

"I'm taking you to Gaius, I'm sure he should be back by now," he said as he scooped Merlin up into his arms.

"Arthur?" Merlin whispered as he clung to Arthur's shirt. Arthur said nothing, he simply quickened his pace.

**

Gaius had not long been returned from the forest when his front door burst open. He had just finished testing Merlin's bodily fluid samples and had come to the strangest conclusion. He turned to see Arthur, who was supporting Merlin in his arms.

"Gaius! He fainted at work... you have to see to him," Arthur begged. Quickly Gaius moved books and bottles of a nearby table. Arthur placed Merlin atop of it.

"I'm... okay, really I... fine..." Merlin whispered as he batted away Gaius's cold hands as the physician attempted to feel his forehead. Gaius nodded.

"Very well Merlin, if you insist, I will not carry out any external examinations," Gaius said. He returned to his samples and double checked his findings. He was disappointed to see that his findings were accurate.

"Gaius ignore him! Check him over! He is obviously –"

"Sire, I must interrupt. I have just this minute finished testing Merlin's urine samples. I now know the cause of his illness," Gaius said as he held up the sample, now bright blue in colour, for Arthur to see.

"What does this mean?" Arthur asked, looking past Gaius to the books before him.

"Before I answer that, I have to explain something. A secret I have held for almost 20 years... a secret that has a lot to do with Merlin and his illness," Gaius said. He looked between Merlin and Arthur, who both looked completely bewildered. "Now, I assume Merlin, that you did not know your maternal grandmother, am I correct?" Gaius asked. Merlin wasn't sure what Gaius was getting at, but nodded all the same.

"That's true, she died not long after I was born. But what does she have to do with my illness?" Merlin asked. Gaius frowned and sighed.

"Your grandmother was a sorceress Merlin, and she wanted her daughter – your mother – to have a daughter off her own. I never found out why, but she was determined to see you born female. So determined was she, that she turned to magic. Not long after your mother announced her pregnancy, your grandmother performed a spell on her. A spell that would insure her a granddaughter. However, she failed in her attempt, and you were born, but her spell had some effect on you" Gaius paused to take in Merlin and Arthurs reactions. Merlin looked perplexed and scared. Gaius gave him the smallest of nods, as if to confirm that he would not reveal Merlin's secret. Arthur on the other hand looked maddened and disgusted.

"What did her spell do?" Merlin asked in a timid voice.

"You, as a result of the spell, have the reproductive organs of a woman, as well as those of a man," Gaius said, pausing again to allow Merlin and Arthur to react to the news.

"You know the depth of our relationship Gaius, so you can be certain that I know that Merlin does not have anything remotely female below his waist," Arthur raged. He was so incensed at Gaius. Why was he telling such lies, when he knew, better than anyone, the true nature of Merlin and Arthur's relationship.

"And Gaius, I think I would notice if I starting bleeding once a month," Merlin said.

"True, but you are a man, so the effects of the menstrual cycle have clearly been different for you." Gaius said, sounding calm and certain. "And the reproductive organs, they are attached to your anus Merlin. I should know, I examined you myself when you were a newborn. I could feel the organs through your skin," Merlin gulped, suddenly, it had become all too clear what Gaius was getting at. Arthur however, was still lost.

"And what exactly does this have to do with Merlin being ill?" he asked.

"Merlin is pregnant,"

--

"You have to get rid of it!" Arthur cried out that night as Merlin helped him prepare for bed.. All day both boys had avoided the subject like the plague and had gone about their day as if nothing had happened, so Merlin was startled by the outburst.

"What? Why exactly?" Merlin asked with a frown. He was quite annoyed with Arthurs demand, pregnant man he may be, but the child he carried was innocent. Innocent, and his.

"Father will have you executed without a second thought! And I wouldn't put it past him to change his will so that Morgana will rule once he dies. Camelot does not need a king that sleeps around with servants and suspected sorcerers! And male ones at that!" Arthur raged. He was at a loss as to why such a thing was not obvious to Merlin. Merlin could not have this child, it would mean certain death, and Arthur could not bare to see his lover die for something that was not his fault.

"I want this child!" Merlin screamed in response. The anger inside of him and surfaced without warning. He felt incredibly protective of the child inside him. It was his, and he in return belonged to his child.

"What you want is not important! What matters is what will happen as a result of this!" Arthur cried out. He walked away from Merlin and slammed his fist's into the wall. "Do not ask me to watch you walk to your death Merlin, do not!"

"This child is innocent!" Merlin cried. He approached Arthur slowly and placed a hand on his Prince's shoulder. "This child is ours," Merlin whispered. Arthur paused for just a second, picturing in his head, himself as King, with Merlin at his side, a child between them. They were happy, accepted and loved.

"NO!" He said, shrugging Merlin's hand off his shoulder violently. "You will go to Gaius in the morning, and you will have this _thing _taken care off!"

"I refuse to kill my child Arthur! I want it, end of story!" Merlin raged, he turned to leave the room, but Arthur grabbed his arm.

"I said it before! What you want is not important!" Merlin turned to face Arthur, looked him dead in the eye, and calmly said,

"What about what you want. Is that important?" Arthur again, paused as the image of a possible family flashed in his head. It was followed however, by a more likely image of Merlin being executed.

"What I want, is for you to get rid of that abomination!" And with that, he let Merlin go. He clambered into bed and made himself comfortable before he could blow out his candle, Merlin spoke.

"It's over... us... isn't it," Arthur didn't answer, he simply blew out the candle.

--

The next day, Merlin received word from Arthur that he was to continue with his duties until further notice. The note said nothing of their baby, their relationship or their future. But nothing, in itself, said more than words could ever say. Arthur was _his_ Arthur no more. Arthur would not stand by his side, should his pregnancy be revealed, and Arthur most certainly would not take responsibly for Merlin or the baby.

Merlin knew however, that no one would learn of his pregnancy. A little research found him a spell that could hide his bump from everyone but himself. He wished he could tell Arthur of the spell, but he knew it was a risk not worth taking. Although he was sure that Arthur wanted their child, and was only distancing them so that, when the time came, Merlin's death would be easier, he did not know how Arthur would react to Merlin being a sorcerer.

Arthur meanwhile, tried to push Merlin to the back of his mind. He did not want to think of his lover, for when he did so, all he could see was Merlin's execution, and his own downfall that would most likely follow. He kept him on as his manservant, if only to ensure what thoughts he had of Merlin, were of cursing his incompetence. On some level, he knew that he kept Merlin on as his servant in order to keep an eye on him, but he refused to allow himself to believe such things.

--

Merlin was 5 months pregnant when he felt it. The tiniest flutter, like butterflies, in his stomach. He knew at once that it was his child kicking. He held his hand over the spot and waited patiently for a repeat performance. Within seconds, it came again.

"Hello little one," Merlin whispered to the bump only he could see. "I'm your daddy... and I suppose your mummy too..." Another flutter, this one lasted a little bit longer, and Merlin got the impression that baby was laughing. "Yes I suppose that is funny," A flutter of agreement. "Still we will manage somehow baby, I promise you," Another flutter. "I wish I knew if you were a boy or a girl," he continued. There was no further movement in his stomach. "I guess you don't know then," he said with a laugh. Another flutter of agreement. "I'll ask again soon, but for now, I have to return to work," The flutter of laughter returned and Merlin found himself laughing along with it.

--

Arthur was at a loss as to why Merlin held his hand on his stomach as if he were pregnant. If he was, he would be five months gone, yet he showed no sign of pregnancy. No bump, not even a little one. In fact, it looked like Merlin had lost weight. Arthur never pushed the subject however. As a rule he avoided talking to Merlin at all costs, only addressing him when he failed in his chores. This was happening more and more often lately. It was as if Merlin was being careful while doing his work. It was as if Merlin was still pregnant and was protecting his (he worked very hard not to think the word _their_) child. But the child was no longer there! Arthur was sure of it.

--

Merlin was 6 months gone when he started to get the most unusual of cravings. Apples had to be eaten together with chicken. Bread had to be stale. Water had to be warm. The cravings fascinated Merlin, and he questioned the fluttering in his stomach after each new one emerged.

"Why stale bread huh? Are you trying to prepare for your life outside of me? I'm not that poor baby... not yet anyway," Merlin said as he rubbed his stomach. The flutter laughed.

"I don't know why, but I have to, _just have to_, eat apples and chicken together. I suppose you have something to do with that," Merlin teased as he looked down his shirt as his bump. The flutter seemed to confirm this. "At least you made it taste nice for me,"

"I have to drink water you know!" Merlin cried to his bump as he cradled it. He had just had a drink of cold water, only to have it brought up again by his body. Gaius appeared beside him and passed him a glass.

"Try this Merlin, I think the water may have been a little cold for the baby's liking," Merlin took the lukewarm water, and gulped it down. It not only stayed down, but soothed his stomach. It's arrival in his stomach was met with a flutter. Merlin smiled.

"I knew I should have asked you,"

--

Arthur watched Merlin very closely when he went down to the kitchens for food. He always ate the strangest of things. Apples and chicken... together! Bread that had been thrown out because it was stale, and water that had been purposely left by the fire so that it would warm up. He was becoming increasingly convinced that Merlin was still pregnant, yet still refused to confront his manservant about such things. For one, Merlin still showed no physical sign that he was pregnant. For another, the idea of speaking to Merlin was still to painful a notion. Instead he pushed the idea to the very back of his mind, for with the idea of talking to Merlin, came the image of his execution. Arthur still loved Merlin enough to not want to see that. He decided to ignore the issue until such a time that Merlin's pregnancy became obvious. Then he would force Merlin away from Camelot, away from his duties, away from him. Forever.

--

"Are you ready to tell me if you are a boy or girl?" Merlin whispered to his bump one night in bed. He was now nearing his eighth month of pregnancy, and was determined to get an answer out of his bump. The bump gave a flutter and Merlin's heart raced. "Are you a boy?" Nothing. "So you are a girl!" A flutter. "I suppose you want a name now," The flutter agreed. "Okay, let me know when you hear one you like," The flutter, again, agreed. "Alice?" Nothing. "Katharine?" Nothing. "Mary?" Nothing.

This continued on for some time. Eventually, Merlin fell asleep, still unable to name his baby. However, just as the sun began to rise, he awoke with a start, knowing at that moment, what his child should be called. "Isabella," The flutter happily agreed. "It was what my mother would have called me, should I have been born a girl,"

--

As time went by, and what would have been Merlin's due date drew closer, Arthur became increasingly convinced that Merlin was still pregnant. His abilities at work had taken on a whole new level of uselessness and Merlin was becoming increasingly emotional. To top it off, Arthur couldn't remember the last time a day had gone by when Merlin had not placed his hand on his belly for a prolonged period. Yet still there was no physical proof that Merlin was pregnant. None at all! Arthur was beginning to think he was going insane. Either that, or he was becoming increasingly paranoid. He decided the best course of action was to fire Merlin. Then he could avoid him entirely.

"Merlin! A word!" Arthur said, making his manservant jump. Merlin had been polishing his armour and had neither seen, nor heard, Arthur approach him. He was on his feet in seconds. He bowed once, hoping that Arthur would not see the way he cradled his stomach protectively. Arthur did, but choose to ignore it.

"Yes sire?" Merlin asked. He was confused. He had been working hard, and his pregnancy was not showing at all, to anyone other than himself. Sure, his standard of work had decreased a bit, but it was not nearly as bad as when Arthur jumped on him at every giving opportunity.

"Your service's will no longer be required," Arthur stated, his tone and manner completely business like. Arthur tried very hard to keep away knowledge that he would no longer see Merlin every day. The resulting effect made his words cold, harsh. Merlin nodded.

"As you wish sire," he said. He left the room without a backward glance. Once he was out of sight, Arthur let out a single sob, and furiously blinked away the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

--

Merlin was upset at being fired, there was no doubt about that, but he was not as upset as thought he would be. He guessed it was because his baby had taken up every thought, every feeling that he possessed, leaving none for Arthur.

"Just you and me from now on Izzy," he whispered. He stroked his bump, but no flutter came. For a few seconds, Merlin was caught up in blind panic. Was his baby dead? She always responded when he talked to her... always. His fears however, disappeared, when he felt a flood of water dampen his trousers.

"GAIUS!"

--

A few days after Arthur fired Merlin, news came that said servant had been walking in the woods, when he had come across a dying woman. The woman held a baby in her arms, and her dying request was that Merlin care for it. Merlin had agreed, and had returned to Camelot a hero, a father. Everyone believed his story. Everyone that is, but Arthur. Arthur knew the truth. Merlin had carried their baby to term, had given birth to it, and had come up with this cock and ball story about a dying woman and a baby. Arthur made the choice to never see Merlin or the baby. He tried his best to forget they even existed.

--

Merlin held his newborn daughter in awe. She looked so completely like him. Blue eyes, black hair... it was almost like looking in a mirror. He was slightly disappointed that there was no sign of Arthur in her, but he guessed that Arthur's rejection of the child had had a lot to do with it. Merlin had forced Arthur out of his mind so completely, that of course, his magic would ensure that no trace of the crown prince could be found in his baby. The labour and birth had gone well. He and Gaius had simply used magic to ease all pain, resulting in most of the labour going unnoticed by Merlin. The baby would have just popped out, had it not been for the sudden pain Merlin experienced when he was ready to push. He suspected the baby had something to do with that.

"I love you so much Isabella, you know what? I'm never going to let you down, I promise... I'll always be there for you," Isabella reached up, and grabbed his finger with her whole tiny hand. Merlin started to cry.

--

Isabella Emrys was just a few weeks old when the news came. Uther Pendragon had died in his sleep, leaving Arthur to rule. As sad as the news was, Merlin was secretly glad. Little Isabella was showing signs that she was gifted with magic. Her blue eyes often sparkled gold, the sparkle was often followed by odd happenings... such as Merlin's neckerchief turning pink.

Gladder still was Merlin, when a few days later, Arthur lifted the ban on magic. Morgana had confided in the new King, revealing that she had magic in her. After some convincing, Arthur was able to see that people were born with magic and could use it for good, not evil.

--

"Tell me Morgana, Merlin... he is a sorcerer correct?" Arthur asked one night at dinner. He had been watching Merlin and his daughter from afar since the day his father died, and it had become obvious that Merlin had power.

"Yes Arthur, but I assumed you knew, you were lovers after all," She said an eyebrow raised in confusion. Not but a year ago had he and Merlin been all over each other. It had been the castle's worst kept secret. However, it had suddenly stopped a few months ago, for no obvious reason that anyone could see. Morgana had guessed that Arthur had finally worked out Merlin's secret, yet had been too devoted to him to turn him into Uther.

"No... no... I did not know." He said as he toyed with his food. Finally everything came together. It was obvious now why Merlin had been able to keep his pregnancy a secret. He'd used magic. Why hadn't he seen it before!

Over the next few weeks, Arthur couldn't help but watch his family. He found every opportunity possible. From when Merlin took their daughter out for a walk at sunrise, to when he rocked her to sleep in the courtyard at night. Every moment pained him, for every one was a moment he could not have. This was his family. His daughter, his lover... and yet he had given them both up. He wished that he could turn back time and return to the night where it all went wrong. If only he had known of Merlin's powers, and thus Merlin's ability to hide his bump. If only he had followed his heart, and not his head.

--

"Hey baby... please go to sleep! Please. I've feed you, burped you, bathed you and changed you, what more could you want?" Merlin begged a crying Isabella. It was late, past 3am, and Merlin had been up with Izzy for hours. Isabella continued to sob. "Oh baby, I know, I know," Merlin reassured, although obviously, he didn't. He has no idea what was wrong with his daughter. Finally he dropped into his chair, still holding Isabella close. "Last try..." he muttered to no one. He moved the baby so that she was facing the table in front of them. "_Alordra Trapodary_" he whispered. The book, bowl and apple's that were on the table began to float. Isabella's cries softened. Merlin concentrated hard, and made the objects move. Isabella stopped crying Still concentrating on his spell, Merlin looked down at his daughter. She was smiling. "Oh baby! You smiled! You've never done that before!" Merlin cried as he lifted Isabella high above his head. Her smile widened. "Oh don't you look beautiful with that big smile on your face!" he cooed. Isabella's eyes flashed gold. "What did you do silly one?" Merlin asked as he brought Isabella back down to chest level. He looked around, confused. There was no obvious sign of Isabella's magic in the room.

"Merlin!" came Gaius's voice from the next room. "Would you mind explaining to me why I'm wearing a dress?"

"Sorry Gaius, it was Izzy!" Merlin called out as he shut his chamber doors, glad that Gaius could not see his smile. Isabella seemed to like targeting Gaius with her spell work. As Merlin giggled softly, he noticed that Isabella was finally asleep. He moved over to her crib, and placed her in, carefully tucking her in. He then proceeded to sit and watch her, becoming so entierly lost in her beauty, he did not hear the door open and close.

"Merlin?" Merlin did not look up, despite knowing that the voice belonged to King Arthur. They had not spoken in months, not since the day that Arthur had fired him. They hadn't even crossed paths in the corridor, the market... anywhere. Not once.

"My Lord," Merlin whispered.

"I... I...just want..." But whatever Arthur wanted to say, he could not come out with it. " Look at me!" he demanded after a few seconds of silence. With a sigh, Merlin kissed Isabella's rosy cheek, stood and turned to face Arthur.

"As you wish My Lord," he said, bowing in order to avoid eye contact. When he stood however, he couldn't help but stare into Arthur's eyes. A few seconds passed in silence."Was there anything you wanted My Lord?" Merlin asked. Silence. "My Lord?" As he spoke, Arthur's eyes sparkled, and, in that second, he was_ his _Arthur once again.

"You..."

Neither man paused to think, to consider the consequences of their actions. They simply meet in the middle. The kiss was desperate, lips moulding fiercely against each other, tongues battling for dominance, yet at the same time loving, familiar. Their lips moulded together easily, as if time had not forgotten their joining, battling tongues were seeking familiarity, comfort, love.

No words were spoken, and yet, somehow both men made it to the bed without stumbling. Clothes were removed hastily, and yet it was not sexual. Hands frantically ran over chests, grasped arms. Finger's entwined in hair, with each other. It was if Merlin and Arthur's bodies needed to feel each other out, to remember what once was so as to know what was coming.

Everything happened so smoothly, yet so desperately. The urge to be gentle and loving, was marred by almost a year of sexual frustration. Their bodies moved together, switching from tender love making to pure lust filled sex with no need to indicate the want for a change.

No words were spoken still, yet every request and need was fulfilled without question. Long buried memories surfaced, allowing Arthur to remember that Merlin liked it when he nibbled on his ears, allowing Merlin to remember that Arthur loved eye contact.

Just before dawn, both men fell asleep, both cuddled up together like they had so long ago. Merlin atop of Arthur's bared chest, his head angled just right, so that his hair might tickle Arthur. Arthur with his arms around Merlin, his hand resting on the base of Merlin's spine, so that he might run his hand up his back at any given moment.

--

Merlin awoke later that day, when the sun finally reached his eyes. For a few seconds, he cuddled up to Arthur, the events of the last year a lost memory. However, something was nagging at him. Something was not quite right. For a few seconds more, Merlin thought hard, and tried to piece things together, so that he might know what was wrong.

"ISABELLA!"

Isabella was not awake, nor had she awoken during the night! Something was wrong. She still needed to be fed and changed a number of time's between dusk and dawn. Merlin scrabbled out of bed, not bothering with clothes, not bothered about Arthur. He raced across the room to his daughters crib. There she lay, baby Isabella, so perfectly still and beautiful. Too perfectly still.

"ISABELLA!"

Merlin picked her up, but it was too late. She was cold, pale, dead.

"No! No... nonononono... Isabella wake up... please baby wake up!" Merlin cried as he rocked the bundle cradled in his arms.

Arthur watched from the bed, unable to move, unable to speak. He was in shock. His daughter – Isabella – was dead. She had died while he and Merlin had slept in the same room... or even more chillingly, while they were making love. For almost a minute, Arthur simply watched Merlin's demise. His fall to the floor when he realised it was too late. His heart piercing screams and sobs, that sent violent shocks through Arthur's body. His inability to form words. Eventually it all became too much. Arthur slipped from the bed, pulled on his trousers, and walked over to Merlin.

"Merlin..?" he whispered, ducking down to Merlin's level so that he could wrap his arms around him. Merlin shrugged him away. "Merlin?" Again he attempted to wrap his arms around Merlin, again he was rejected. "I'm sorry. How..." Before he could finish Merlin was on his feet, his face a picture of rage and grief.

"HOW DID SHE DIE? HOW? I THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT ONE ARTHUR. SHE WAS A RISK TO YOUR THRONE, A RISK TO CAMELOT, SO YOU HAD HER KILLED. ALL THE WHILE MAKING ME BELIEVE THAT YOU WANTED ME, THAT YOU WANTED US!" Merlin raged. Arthur stumbled to his feet, held his hands up in defence.

"Merlin please... I didn't want her to die I swear... I wanted you... you and her... us..." Arthur pleaded, fear of Merlin and grief for his unknown daughter causing tears to fall down his face.

"LIER! YOU DIDN'T WANT HER! YOU NEVER WANTED HER. YOU TOLD ME TO GET RID OF THAT 'ABOMINATION', REMEMBER? THEN YOU WANTED NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH ME!"

"That's not true... Merlin please I panicked... please..." Arthur begged. Merlin ignored him, but it was obvious the rage was dying out, leaving room again for nothing but grief.

"Where were you then, when I was pregnant? When I gave birth? You were looking out for you Arthur... just you. That's all that has ever mattered to you... you! And now... now she's gone. My baby... and she didn't... she was only a... I'll never walk her down the aisle or... see my grandchildren... never even... hear a first word... never...All so you could look out for you... so you could protect yourself and your throne... I want her back..." It was at this point, that Merlin became so overcome with grief, that he simply collapsed completely onto the floor, almost silent sobs escaping from his lips, a fountain of tears falling from his eyes.

"I think you should leave sire," It was Gaius. He had appeared as if by magic, behind Arthur. Without another word, Arthur slipped from the room. Only when alone in his chambers, did he allow his grief to overcome him as well.

--

"So there was... nothing... nothing that could have been done?"

"No Merlin. Isabella died suddenly... there is no obvious cause of death. It happens all the time Merlin... there is nothing that can be done to stop it," Gaius reassured Merlin. They had just buried baby Isabella by a lake not far from Camelot. Merlin had taken Isabella there once. One beautiful sunny day, with not a cloud in the sky, nor no one to interrupt their time together. It had been the most perfect of days.

"So Arthur... he didn't... " Merlin couldn't say the words. It was hard enough just thinking them, just knowing that he had believed they were true not but a day ago.

"Arthur had nothing to do with this. It was mere chance that brought the two of you together that night, nothing more." Gaius said. Merlin said nothing more, he simply nodded. "He grieves Merlin. Though he may not have known his daughter, he knew you and he feels like he has lost you as well."

"Maybe in time, I will be able to return to him," Merlin whispered.

--

A long year passed. A year in which Merlin and Arthur again did not speak. Neither thought about the other willingly. Neither spied on the other. Arthur ruled over Camelot. Merlin continued to work for Gaius. Both tried to forget. But this was something that could never be forgotten.

A little over a year to the day that Isabella died, Arthur cracked. No longer could he hold off watching Merlin. He had to see if Merlin was okay, if he was coping.

He found Merlin in his chambers. There he stood in front of a crib. Isabella's crib. He did nothing, simply looked. For hours it seemed, Arthur watched Merlin look at the crib, never moving, never speaking, never even crying. It was heartbreaking.

"I come here every day," Merlin whispered, scaring Arthur. "I picture her, asleep and dreaming. Arms and legs kicking, drool escaping from her lips. Or else I see her awake. Bright eyes staring up at me, a smile on her lips... little arms reaching up in hope of being picked up." He paused, stepped forward, and neatened the already immaculate coverings. "I never imagine her older... never a toddler... let alone beyond that. I guess it's because I never saw it for real... so I can't see it now..." He turned to face Arthur. Although his eyes and cheeks were dry, they were red, swollen. "I just want her back..." Arthur couldn't stop himself. He walked over to Merlin, and pulled him into his arms. When Merlin clung to him, sobbing desperately, he tightened his grip, rubbed his back, rested his face in his hair so that he might inhale the scent.

"I love you Merlin," he whispered, still no pause for thought.

"I love you too Arthur," Merlin whispered.

--

Merlin felt a ghost of a touch sliver up his spine, and he smiled. It had been so long since he had been in Arthur's arms, it had been even longer still, since it had felt this right. For the first time in over a year... maybe 2... he felt complete, he felt loved, he felt happy. He was safe in Arthur's arms, ready for a fresh start. The moment was truly magical, and Merlin knew that he would survive Camelot now that he was back where he belonged.

Arthur on the other hand, could feel Merlin's hair tickling his chest. The feeling gave him great comfort, for, for the first time in a long time, Arthur felt safe, felt his lover in his arms, protecting him from future evils, while helping his through the past. It was here, this very moment that Arthur truly felt like King. He was doing his duty to Camelot, for here he could guarantee the safety of the man in his arms. At least until he let go.


End file.
